mirror talk

i cant do this...It just kills my process. murders it. and then spills all around. my train of thought is far gone. i was going to start with how i just try to imagine all these witty conversations, my mirror on the wall. and one situation-one fucking situation- i have not already thought about- i would give the most retarded reaction-i feel like a kid who picked up this car in a store just thinking that his mum would not buy it for him, and gets caught by the guard, in the store, yes in front of his mother- thats my expression-right there. i should not even be allowed to be 20. a 20 year old who thinks that typing kills her flow of thinking...like there are any thoughts worthy enough EVER to be mentioned. i still write because i hate having no record. which has never happened im not a very pleasant person. the fact that there is a lot of scope to edit details, planning, wondering about spellings-destroys me, my want to record. with a big hole in my head because i forget what i felt about things, my immediate reactions. writing ok maybe. but typing can be such a fraud...it is a fraud. you do it alone, before you press enter...you have all the time in the world to make it fancy. never mind. feeling right now- low life and dimwitted *fucked up teenager mode*